Diaries of an atheist

when the child folded hands and prayed, he thought,
who is this prayer going to, when will it reach him,
and how soon will he answer them ?


a caressing hand almost always replied, "the answer will come son, it will come. from the one up there who takes care of you"..
"he is your friend, and is with you always. you are never alone in this world"


consoled, the child went back, he played, he lived and he grew up,
he never felt alone, he always had the answers to his questions
and solutions to his problems.
"he is always with me", he thought and got back with life,
never really with the zeal to know anything else.


the child grew up into a boy, the boy to a teenager,
the teenager witnessed war, he witnessed riots,
he always felt, "religion makes big news"
when he read newspapers cluttered with stories
of wars, of pacts, of negotiations, of camaraderie,
all between and among religions.


every year, every month, every day, he heard a thing or two about religion
about the better god and about the lesser god.


he grew up in his teens, he saw the nightmare, the darkest hour
when pregnant women were mercilessly raped and killed,
when little girls witnessed their modesty being humiliated,
he saw houses burn, and with that the whole country,
he saw people make money out of it.
he saw debates, discussions and panel evaluations.


he saw religion make a mockery of human life,
he saw godplay devastate a woman's home
he saw passion turn a child's innocence to cinders. he felt sad.


he felt sad. his immaturity did not allow him to dissect the issue,
his innocence did not allow him to blame people
he just felt sad. a sadness that would linger in his mind for eternity.


he completed adolescence, he matured, he could analyse things
he could make out what was happening around,
he could understand peoples' fortunes, their misfortunes and their mistakes.


the lingering sadness haunted him. he had nightmares and he had hallucinations.
he thought and thought for days,
he analysed, he dissected,
he concluded.


the sadness still lingered. it still lingers.
the sadness that no consolation could pacify, that no situation could neutralise.



the sadness of being born in a religion...



and now, when he tries to counter that sadness, he calls himself an atheist.


"mom was probably right, "he is with you always. you are never alone in this world"",
he remembers and smiles.

Music to my ears

Music, probably, is one thing that can be denied by nobody. With all the euphony around, the Earth truly establishes the fact that it's the only planet harbouring life. Music plays a big role in the lives of all women and men. And all of them have some or the other sound they can relate to. Some have a few, some have many, but everybody's life consists of a set of sounds, which they call music.That is how I perceive music.

There are some sounds in my set too. I might want to categorise myself in the "many sounds" group. Yes, scores of tunes have had some significance in my life and I will try to list some of the more important ones.

1. "Desert Rose" by Sting feat. Cheb Mami, from the album "Brand New Day"- Desert Rose will always top my list, for the simple fact that I cannot get enough of this song. Every time I start listening to this, I get into a trance like state, I actually do. It's been ages since I first heard this but it sounds fresh every time. The lyrics connect and i think Sting's voice brings out all the emotions. "I dream of gardens in the desert sand,......, I dream of love as time runs through my hand..".. ah !!! Bliss.

2. "Remember Me" by Josh Groban and Tanja Tzarovsk, from the soundtrack of "Troy", composed by James Horner- Wonderful lyrics, a great voice in Josh Groban and wonderful music by James Horner. This song makes you remember the heroes, Achilles and Hector, complementing the wonderful performances put in by Brad Pitt and Eric Bana as the two lead characters. It keeps you engrossed even as the end credits start rolling and your admiration for the two greatest heroes of the Trojan saga increases tenfold. I will guarantee that. How else can you react to "I am that warm voice,... in the cold wind that whispers,... and if you listen, ...you will hear me call across the sky." ?

3. "Misirlou" by Dick Dale & His Del-Tones, from the soundtrack of "Pulp Fiction"- A Greek cult song dealt with fantastically by a surf guitarist. Dick Dale's 1962 classic has been used aptly by Quentin Tarantino and helps you get into that crime zone instantly. This is one hell of a tune that actually makes one sit down, have a look at the credits and pay due appreciation to the deserving. It summarises what the movie is all about. A classic beginning to a classic movie, an all time great. I have to admit, I am addicted to this piece of music.


To be continued...


P.S. The descriptions are my personal viewpoints and not critical appreciation of the titles. I am no music critic. I am just a music lover wanting to share his favourite tunes with the readers.

Women, Men and Inspirations - Sachin...

Yes, I'm talking about the great man. Very rarely do you find someone so successful, so gifted, so unique, and yet so magnanimous... Oh! I am going to fall short of words so many times while writing this post.

"SACHIN TENDULKAR", the name that lights up an infinite minds, brings a smile to a billion faces and elicits a thunderous applause every time he steps out on to the field, has been a constant source of inspiration and joy, and, well, belief.

Scores of people have written about his achievements, his life, his virtues. This post is just a very small tribute to someone who can probably never be surpassed in whatever he is involved in.

Ever since that series in Australia in 1992, when , as a six year old, I kept on cheering "the guy who plays like Gavaskar" (as described by my grandfather), there has not been a day without Sachin Tendulkar, in conversations, discussions, readings, thoughts, comparisons and of course, inspiration.

There was a time when I used to say "Sachin-The Only God", write "Jogeshwar Tendulkar" on the cover page of my books, carry his biography to the bed, to the school, and even to the loo. Though I have grown over these now, that admiration, that respect and the faith still remains, unbound and undiminished.

The young fan in me is still alive though. Even now my heart misses a beat every time he comes out to bat. Even now I feel that the game loses its sheen when he gets out. And even now I feel terribly upset when he gets out early. It has become kind of personal, and the phenomenon called "Sachin Tendulkar" has become an integrated part of my life, having its own independent space. I still, am falling short of words.

Sachin Tendulkar has been the subject in a billion creations. This post is just an honest, and I mean it, attempt at paying tribute to a man, who is worth more than his weight in gold.


P.S. It has been an hour and twenty minutes since I started writing this post.

Confessions of a born foodie

My father usually tells this to me, "Son, you don't live to eat, you eat to live..". And my mother echoes the same sentiments, "You are going to burst some day considering the amount of food that you eat !!!". Well, here I am, "Mr. Keep hogging till the plate's wiped clean".


Ha Ha Ha... Yes people, I am a foodie, a big one. My mom tells me I have been like this since I was an infant. It was "Lactogen" then. It's everything now.


I remember, as a kid I would eat all my lunch, scheduled to have been eaten during the lunch break, in the first two periods of the day. And this continued till I passed ninth grade. Complains would inevitably accompany me home but the little Satan inside me always managed to brush away such allegations, and more royally so. Mission "finish lunch before the lunch break" accomplished.


As I grew up, it was very difficult keeping under control those urges, of course, to check out the refrigerator, yes, we'd just bought a brand new sky blue Godrej ColdGold. It was how I bragged about it to my friends. And the activities continued. I would keep prowling the corridors and keep waiting till everyone wrapped up for the afternoon nap. And what used to follow ? Just check these out... Fruit crushes, soft drinks, jellies, ice creams, custards, leftover gravy, tomato sauce, yoghurt, sweetmeat, and pardon my greed, baby food, from my newborn brother's stock.


I used to have solutions to every attempt by mom to keep these under lock and key. A tongue cleaner to open the refrigerator. A stick to open those old fashioned latches used to keep doors shut. Add to that my growing height... "HA HA HA", my laughter echoed every successful operation. This finally led my mom to keeping absolutely nothing tasteful in the fridge. She used to keep a bottle of fruit squash for guests, somewhere beyond my reach. Otherwise it always was, "Go get something from the market, quick !!!", whenever a guest arrived, till the day I left home for higher studies... What a pity !!!


As I grew up, my activities shifted. No more "steal from the refrigerator" stuff. I learned making tea. Tea was a big attraction, considering the fact that it was given only once a week, on Saturdays. I would usually sneak into the kitchen whenever I got an opportunity and would make tea, very sweet tea and then drink it, with full satisfaction. Tea gave way to lemonade, and gradually, lassi. By the time I was in my tenth grade, I knew how to cook.


I shifted base to Kolkata. With only dad being there and free from mom's and grandpa's discipline, I had ample time to experiment, cook and eat to my heart's content. I would watch cookery shows on Doordarshan every Saturday, yes my dad had disconnected cable television on account of my negligence in studies. And I would try to make my own version of whatever was shown on TV. Dad not being back from work till seven everyday only made my job easier. Apart from this, I had lots of potato chips, something which, well, I had not ventured into till then. Two years of hogging had turned a 48 Kg skinny something into an 84 Kg plump pumpkin. Believe me, the figures are true.


I spent the first two years of my undergraduate life as a hostelite. Luckily for me, contrary to general belief and practice, the food at the hostel was good. The only disadvantage was that there wasn't going to be any breakfast service from the mess and the hostelites were supposed to have their own breakfast. No problem for me... I had shifted from butter to margarine, and I had a small immersion heater with me with which i used to make tea, using tea bags of course. I used to have my breakfast of bread and margarine, some sweet, and tea (I preferred Taj Mahal) in my room itself, quite to the envy of my roommates... Wink Wink...


Post-graduation took me to Vellore where I got an opportunity to savour authentic South Indian cuisine. Dosas, upma, vadai, idlys, poli, rasam and filter coffee!!! Yes, I only knew Nescafe before this stint. As I graduated from Vellore, I returned home a South Indian. I brought home a coffee filter along with me. Filter coffee is way beyond instant coffee in taste and aroma. Now when I prepare my daily stock of decoction, I feel really lucky to have got an opportunity of studying at Vellore. This stint helped me add the word "variety" to my "palate dictionary". Absolutely. Apart from the traditional cuisine I also tried continental food and some other varieties, something which I had not indulged in, till then.


I may have graduated from refrigerated food to tea to experimental food to potato chips to filter coffee, but I still remain the quintessential foodie, I am not bragging this time, my friends at VIT would vouch for me.

As George Bernard Shaw aptly puts it,

"There is no love sincerer than the love of food."

"The Revolutionist's Handbook", Man and Superman

Women, Men and Inspirations - Meghna...

I will try and be formal here, which is a very uncommon thing between Megi and me. I will start with one line that I always tell Meghna...

She has been one big inspiration for me. No, Megi, it isn't just photography.

Meghna's association with me is since 2007, in fact 2008, that's when we actually started conversing and talking and all of that sort... in fact, it took me three months to ask for her number... Smile :)...

As the year passed, and I got to know more about this cute little lady, I could only have unbound respect and affection for her... She is one person of the very very few, who i felt, I could connect with.

Yes, we share a common passion, photography, though she is far more talented and better than what I am. She was the one of the two who actually inspired and encouraged me to develop this dormant enthusiasm into an active hobby. Thanks Megi... I owe it to you...

A very creative person, and yes, real fun to be with... Pari hoon main... It's been a real pleasure knowing you and yes... I will say this again...

You inspire.

Titles

Ever since I got promoted to the ninth grade, the word "Infinity" has been following me wherever I go. As a teenage fantasy, I would always imagine myself as the author of some book called "The Infinity", containing the story of my life, and I actually thought that it would beat the story of any masala Hindi movie hollow !!! I also imagined myself as the youngest Nobel laureate, and I even made up acceptance speeches, staring at the ceiling. How satisfying these fantasies could be, where you could be the king of the world one moment, and be batting with Sachin Tendulkar the next, accepting the literature Nobel at one moment and sharing screen space with Shahrukh Khan the next.

As an undergraduate, when i started writing poems, the title of the small notebook where I jotted down my lines.... You guessed it right, "INFINITY"... And now that I start a blog, I could not think of any other term. This word and me have seen so much of the world together, from getting screwed in the model board exams to getting a nine pointer sometime later, from fantasizing about the Nobel Prize to stop writing poetry because the work was too "immature", from teenage crushes to adulthood maturity, from having fights with mom to missing her every day since 2002 and finally, from a kid getting cross with himself for unbound use of the word "infinity", he thought it would get him typecast to the man finding himself unable to use any other word for the title of his first blog.

Life has been a curry till date, with uncountable experiences, feelings and realisations. I hope I will be able to share some of this and try to look beyond. One never knows, some surprise might be waiting just around the corner :)

Happy Blogging...