Diaries of an atheist

when the child folded hands and prayed, he thought,
who is this prayer going to, when will it reach him,
and how soon will he answer them ?


a caressing hand almost always replied, "the answer will come son, it will come. from the one up there who takes care of you"..
"he is your friend, and is with you always. you are never alone in this world"


consoled, the child went back, he played, he lived and he grew up,
he never felt alone, he always had the answers to his questions
and solutions to his problems.
"he is always with me", he thought and got back with life,
never really with the zeal to know anything else.


the child grew up into a boy, the boy to a teenager,
the teenager witnessed war, he witnessed riots,
he always felt, "religion makes big news"
when he read newspapers cluttered with stories
of wars, of pacts, of negotiations, of camaraderie,
all between and among religions.


every year, every month, every day, he heard a thing or two about religion
about the better god and about the lesser god.


he grew up in his teens, he saw the nightmare, the darkest hour
when pregnant women were mercilessly raped and killed,
when little girls witnessed their modesty being humiliated,
he saw houses burn, and with that the whole country,
he saw people make money out of it.
he saw debates, discussions and panel evaluations.


he saw religion make a mockery of human life,
he saw godplay devastate a woman's home
he saw passion turn a child's innocence to cinders. he felt sad.


he felt sad. his immaturity did not allow him to dissect the issue,
his innocence did not allow him to blame people
he just felt sad. a sadness that would linger in his mind for eternity.


he completed adolescence, he matured, he could analyse things
he could make out what was happening around,
he could understand peoples' fortunes, their misfortunes and their mistakes.


the lingering sadness haunted him. he had nightmares and he had hallucinations.
he thought and thought for days,
he analysed, he dissected,
he concluded.


the sadness still lingered. it still lingers.
the sadness that no consolation could pacify, that no situation could neutralise.



the sadness of being born in a religion...



and now, when he tries to counter that sadness, he calls himself an atheist.


"mom was probably right, "he is with you always. you are never alone in this world"",
he remembers and smiles.