Oh ! Hello Mister ! Do I know you? Ah,I see I know you too well. Please do not mind the mistake on my part. The darkness did me in, and you are so diminutive.
You have known me since day one, you say. How could have I not noticed you, if that was the way things stood? I refuse to believe in you. Yes, I agree I have been keeping busy and preoccupied since a long time. Probably that was why I was surprised when I saw you last week.
As you might have noticed from down there, I tend to be meticulous. And when I first saw you, I overreacted. I understand you are a tiny bit of fibre precariously attached to the stitches on my shoe and prima facie, are harmless. But you are such a disturbance.
You say you appear to be a disturbance only when I visually mutilate you and not otherwise. Well, I will agree here too. Otherwise, I am not too bothered about you. Though I understand I can clip you off, I don't. Too much of a bother, I realise.
You say I like you being where you are. You are probably right. And I hate you for that. You make me feel I am being dishonest with myself. But yes, you are right.
As I walk down the barely deserted morning roads of the city, I try to bring in that step which I was so proud of. Of course, no one knew of it. Sounds so girlish, doesn't it? And you are not going to give me that smile again. I like my music you see. I try to walk to the beats and I sometimes wonder what onlookers think of me. Oh ! You enjoy the steps you say? I will take a bow here.
I know I walk fast one too many times. How else do I vent all the wrath filled inside of me. If you are going to give me the "vent it on the person who deserves it" explanation you better refrain. I have got a credibility to protect and I would go through anything to guard that. People count me amongst the nicest persons, you see.
You say I start trembling when someone points my flaws out to me. Yes, I do. Does that make you feel less comfortable? I will try and be honest here. All my life I have tried to be too perfect. What? Perfect is superlative in itself and I need not add "too"? I will, nonetheless, only to signify my exaggerated attempts at attaining perfection. Blame it on my mother. All through my life I have tried to do justice to her expectations of me being a superhuman. I have always second guessed every decision I have taken. I am never satisfied with whatever I do, you say? How do you come up with such perfect inferences? Whatever, yes. I do live with the fear of "did I go wrong again?". So the insecurity I develop when someone questions me is only human.
How long will I take to get done with it? I do not know mister. I do not know. So you have to bear with me for some more time.
Yes, I know I smile at you every morning, when I sit cross legged. Of course, it is the only time we sit face to face. You will not like it if I reveal the real reason behind my smile. I smile at myself and not at you. And that because I forget clipping you off every evening. You will not mind, you say? I take you so much for granted, don't I? Ha Ha Ha.
I do everything but whatever I am supposed to do? Maybe I am getting too old. You do not agree with me? And why am I not surprised? You warn me of honesty, I see, and I will try my level best. I have never ever wanted to be the person that I am now. The maxim "follow your heart" has always ended up being an oxymoron in my case. I am not this science loving, logical geek the world thinks I am. I have wept to music and reflected upon pictures. I have imagined myself in scenes from books and reveled in colours. I have dreamed of being a photographer, a writer, and once upon a time, a painter.
Why do I sing when no one is around? Is that any of your business? Oh, you are a part of my life, you insist and you are confident of me agreeing with you as well. Well, yes I do sing in solitude. And believe me, it works like magic. Lets me live the dream of a wannabe singer. I am very predictable you say? Do you know me too well?
I know I shake my legs to often. You insist I feel out of place at times. And are you not being so rude now. You got me, again. And it is not at times that I feel out of place. I feel out of place almost every time. I think too much? You are right, probably.
You complain against me chucking you into the shelf and bolting the door behind me. Do you not need your space and I mine? And am I not so right this time? I like that concurring smile.
Impatient, you say? And I have been culturing this thought that I have been a patient man ever since that trip back home. I am always in a hurry to finish things up and that has worked well with you, I see. But you must understand that I am only human. But how would you, eh? You are just another abiotic piece of human indulgence. Now let me have my time of the day.
Good morning mister. You smile at me and ain't that sarcastic? Oh! You are pointing at the "abiotic" crap I gave you yesterday. Alright, I agree, you were right. I notice you everyday, but just don't react. But I realise you have indeed become a part of my life and I will think twice before finally clipping you off. You smile again, eh?
Ain't that the same one you had smiled a while back? I know you too well.
You have known me since day one, you say. How could have I not noticed you, if that was the way things stood? I refuse to believe in you. Yes, I agree I have been keeping busy and preoccupied since a long time. Probably that was why I was surprised when I saw you last week.
As you might have noticed from down there, I tend to be meticulous. And when I first saw you, I overreacted. I understand you are a tiny bit of fibre precariously attached to the stitches on my shoe and prima facie, are harmless. But you are such a disturbance.
You say you appear to be a disturbance only when I visually mutilate you and not otherwise. Well, I will agree here too. Otherwise, I am not too bothered about you. Though I understand I can clip you off, I don't. Too much of a bother, I realise.
You say I like you being where you are. You are probably right. And I hate you for that. You make me feel I am being dishonest with myself. But yes, you are right.
As I walk down the barely deserted morning roads of the city, I try to bring in that step which I was so proud of. Of course, no one knew of it. Sounds so girlish, doesn't it? And you are not going to give me that smile again. I like my music you see. I try to walk to the beats and I sometimes wonder what onlookers think of me. Oh ! You enjoy the steps you say? I will take a bow here.
I know I walk fast one too many times. How else do I vent all the wrath filled inside of me. If you are going to give me the "vent it on the person who deserves it" explanation you better refrain. I have got a credibility to protect and I would go through anything to guard that. People count me amongst the nicest persons, you see.
You say I start trembling when someone points my flaws out to me. Yes, I do. Does that make you feel less comfortable? I will try and be honest here. All my life I have tried to be too perfect. What? Perfect is superlative in itself and I need not add "too"? I will, nonetheless, only to signify my exaggerated attempts at attaining perfection. Blame it on my mother. All through my life I have tried to do justice to her expectations of me being a superhuman. I have always second guessed every decision I have taken. I am never satisfied with whatever I do, you say? How do you come up with such perfect inferences? Whatever, yes. I do live with the fear of "did I go wrong again?". So the insecurity I develop when someone questions me is only human.
How long will I take to get done with it? I do not know mister. I do not know. So you have to bear with me for some more time.
Yes, I know I smile at you every morning, when I sit cross legged. Of course, it is the only time we sit face to face. You will not like it if I reveal the real reason behind my smile. I smile at myself and not at you. And that because I forget clipping you off every evening. You will not mind, you say? I take you so much for granted, don't I? Ha Ha Ha.
I do everything but whatever I am supposed to do? Maybe I am getting too old. You do not agree with me? And why am I not surprised? You warn me of honesty, I see, and I will try my level best. I have never ever wanted to be the person that I am now. The maxim "follow your heart" has always ended up being an oxymoron in my case. I am not this science loving, logical geek the world thinks I am. I have wept to music and reflected upon pictures. I have imagined myself in scenes from books and reveled in colours. I have dreamed of being a photographer, a writer, and once upon a time, a painter.
Why do I sing when no one is around? Is that any of your business? Oh, you are a part of my life, you insist and you are confident of me agreeing with you as well. Well, yes I do sing in solitude. And believe me, it works like magic. Lets me live the dream of a wannabe singer. I am very predictable you say? Do you know me too well?
I know I shake my legs to often. You insist I feel out of place at times. And are you not being so rude now. You got me, again. And it is not at times that I feel out of place. I feel out of place almost every time. I think too much? You are right, probably.
You complain against me chucking you into the shelf and bolting the door behind me. Do you not need your space and I mine? And am I not so right this time? I like that concurring smile.
Impatient, you say? And I have been culturing this thought that I have been a patient man ever since that trip back home. I am always in a hurry to finish things up and that has worked well with you, I see. But you must understand that I am only human. But how would you, eh? You are just another abiotic piece of human indulgence. Now let me have my time of the day.
Good morning mister. You smile at me and ain't that sarcastic? Oh! You are pointing at the "abiotic" crap I gave you yesterday. Alright, I agree, you were right. I notice you everyday, but just don't react. But I realise you have indeed become a part of my life and I will think twice before finally clipping you off. You smile again, eh?
Ain't that the same one you had smiled a while back? I know you too well.
2 comments:
:) I love!
Very imaginative. Contemplative.
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